Reducing Self-Criticism: 6 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
Have you ever had one of those days when you look in the mirror and feel like nothing is ever enough? Or when you try to do something important, only to hear that inner voice saying, “I’m such a failure”? If this has happened to you, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there too—actually, I’ve been locked in a constant battle with that critical inner voice that loves to highlight my flaws and downplay my successes. But slowly, I’m learning how to be kinder to myself. And I want to share that journey with you.
The truth is, self-criticism is a part of life for so many of us. We live in a world where we’re constantly bombarded with impossible expectations: to be the perfect professional, the ideal friend, to have the dream body, the perfectly balanced life… all while dealing with our internal struggles. Have you noticed how exhausting this can be? I did, and that’s exactly why I decided it was time for a change.
Recognizing the Voice of Self-Criticism
For me, the shift began when I started paying attention to the things I was telling myself. Have you ever tried doing that? It’s almost frightening to realize how cruel we can be to ourselves. Phrases like, “I’ll never be good enough” or “What will people think of me?” had become so frequent that I didn’t even notice how much they were affecting my day-to-day life.
But once I started identifying these thoughts, something changed. I began to ask myself: “Is this really true? Or am I being unfair to myself?”
It’s like re-learning how to have an internal conversation. Because the truth is, none of us are perfect. And that’s okay. We’re learning, growing, and doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And you know what’s the most curious part? When I started realizing that, I felt lighter.
Ask Yourself: “What Is This Voice Telling Me?”
Have you ever wondered how your life might change if you treated yourself as kindly as you treat others? Imagine speaking to yourself the way you would to a dear friend—with understanding, patience, and love. What a difference that would make, right?
Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?
I’ve asked myself this question many times: Why am I so critical of myself? Maybe you’ve wondered the same. For me, I realized a lot of it stems from how I was raised and the expectations I placed on myself. Since I was a child, I believed that being “good enough” meant being flawless at everything I did. And when I made mistakes? It felt like those mistakes defined my worth as a person. Can you relate to that?
I think part of the problem is that we live in a society that glorifies perfection. Social media, for instance, is the perfect breeding ground for this. We compare ourselves to others without remembering that we’re only seeing the highlight reels of their lives. I’ve done this so many times, and every time, I’d end up feeling like I’d never measure up. It was hard to admit, but I had to remind myself: everyone is on their own journey, and comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel doesn’t make any sense.
Learning to Be Kinder
Look, I won’t lie to you. Reducing self-criticism is an ongoing process. Some days, it feels like I’m taking steps backward, but other days, I can see how far I’ve come. Here are some things that have been helping me—and I hope they can help you too:
1. Listen to Your Thoughts Mindfully
This was a game-changer for me. When I notice I’m being overly critical, I stop and reflect: “If I said this to a friend, how would they feel?” That simple question shifts everything. Why are we so harsh with ourselves but gentle with others?
2. Practice Self-Compassion
One thing I’ve learned is that self-compassion isn’t weakness—it’s strength. Now, I try to remind myself that making mistakes is part of being human. When things don’t go as planned, I take a deep breath and say, “It’s okay, you did the best you could at that moment.” Try it—it’s amazing how calming those words can be.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
I started keeping a “win journal.” Every day, I write down one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. It could be something like “I finished that tough email” or “I took 10 minutes to rest without feeling guilty.” Celebrating these small victories is a great reminder that I’m making progress.
4. Disconnect from Comparisons
This was one of the hardest steps for me. Now, I try to limit my time on social media, and when I see something that makes me feel bad, I ask myself: “Does this really matter to my life?” The answer is almost always no.
5. Try Activities That Calm the Mind
Physical activities like yoga or pilates have been a huge support for me. They help reconnect my body and mind, bringing a sense of calm and clarity. For those who prefer something less physical, guided meditation can be a great start. Apps like Headspace and Insight Timer are wonderful tools for this.
6. Read and Learn More
Throughout my journey, several books have been incredibly helpful. Two that I highly recommend are:
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
- Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff.
Both books offer deep and practical insights on how to transform the way we treat ourselves, encouraging greater self-care and self-acceptance. Additionally, I recommend visiting Kristin Neff’s website, where you can find free self-compassion exercises to further support your journey.
A Journey of Small Steps
If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that changing how we treat ourselves takes time. It’s not an overnight fix, but every small step counts. Today, I understand that being kind to myself is an act of courage, not weakness. And you can start right now, even with something as simple as saying to yourself, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough for today.”
Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. I’d love to hear from you—share in the comments how you’ve been managing your self-criticism. Let’s create a supportive space where we can all learn to be kinder to ourselves and to others.
If this article resonated with you, please share it with a friend who could use a little self-kindness today! 🌿
